The baby had no idea why we suddenly had a large tree in the house but was thrilled to discover a) the balls were detachable and b) the more she fucked with the balls the more attention she got from Mammy and Daddy. What a fun game it was for her to take them off and for us to put them back on. For over two weeks she never tired of it. I bloody love Christmas and the tree would be a fairly important part of getting the Christmas buzz going so initially it was beyond irritating to see her running around the house smashing baubles into the new wooden floor but as the days passed I learned not to care. My husband on the other hand never quite learned how to let it go and was particularly frustrated when the cat joined in and decided she also wanted to fuck with the balls.

The tree was so popular that when we decided to take it down on the 3rd January the baby cried, well, like a baby, in protest at its removal from the house. Prizing the last bauble from her tiny hands was practically child abuse.

Otherwise I think we had the best Christmas yet. We had two weeks off work, the building works finished and the baby had new toys which meant the cabin fever was kept to a minimum. I used to think that the best thing about Christmas as a grown up was all the boozing. And of course that is still true. But now you can do it at home and you don’t have to talk to anyone that you don’t like and having a baby means you have a great excuse for saying no to everything that you don’t want to do – like leaving the house or getting dressed.

Sadly this year also coincided with me dropping to one breastfeed per day – first thing in the morning – which on the one hand meant I could get away with more drinking but on the other hand meant that I was eating, drinking and getting fatter by the hour. I actually got very fat. So now not only is it miserable January but I am also overweight again.. all that hard work losing the baby fat to be ruined by a seemingly endless supply of Ferrero Rochers. Who knew that as an adult I would still need to be supervised with a tub of Celebrations? Curse those tiny mars bars.

Word of advice – give up breastfeeding and immediately go on a diet. Do not give up and increase calorie intake to that of a team of sumo wrestlers.

I may actually have to THINK about doing some exercise now.. oh dear.