Our neighbour asked if we’d be interested in a stray kitten that has been dumped at his sister’s cattery and I stupidly said yes.. a load of hassle later and we have a small cat (kitten she ain’t), who has to be kept in the house because she isn’t spayed or micro-chipped or vaccinated or anything that you want a cat to be when you rescue it.. oh and she has ear mites. So we are spending quite a few quid sorting out this cat which I see about twice a day as it tries to race past me on her way to or from the food bowl. I say tries to because we have a really dodgy laminate floor in our hall and every time she sees me she tries to run which ends in a comedy scene where she is panicking and going no where.

Oh and she isn’t going to win any beauty contests either.. the only thing going for this cat is she is using the litter tray with no bother. And her hiding place is under our bed which is sort of cute. I’m making every effort with this cat but she isn’t exactly generous with her time. So in an effort to appease her I decide to treat her to a saucer of milk. Back in my day when a cat strayed into our house it would always get milk, in fact we had a cat once who would only drink warm milk and my Dad used to warm milk for it every morning.. anyway I digress. Cat enjoys said milk and as per usual disappears under my bed for the rest of the day again.

Fast forward to about 1am and we are asleep in bed and I hear what sounds like a mixture between shushing and puking.. I sit up to see the cat on the end of the bed and realise that shit is spraying out of her arse all over the bed. I shout at my husband ‘the cat is shitting on the bed!!!’ which of course frightens her so she jumps down while shit continues to spray from her arse – over the carpet, the walls, the curtains. My God the smell is horrific.

The baby is fast asleep and I am awake cleaning cat shit off the bedroom wall. Who knew cats were allergic to milk? Not I.