So weaning has been a disaster from the start. She hates everything. If I cook it she hates it if I buy it she hates it.. minor exceptions but on the whole she is eating Sweet FA. She is a milk monster and no changing it.

Then pureed pear hits the scene and it’s like pistachios laced with crack to my bambino.. she can’t get enough.. this opens up the door to Ella, the best a worst friend a mother could have. Her bizarre flavour combinations seem to hit the spot with my fussy 6 month old and my plans for cooking everything from scratch happily disappear. Then you notice that carrots, apples and parsnip is actually practically all apple and the one with broccoli is mostly pear and despite your best efforts not to read the back of the packet you soon start to notice that you’ve not really moved on from what is effectively pureed pear. So Ella gets a big payout from me and we buy the whole range of ‘dinners’. Baby says no.. and no way and NO FUCKING WAY MAMA. Back to square 1/stage one. Except all of a sudden she is 8 months and ALL the other babies are having 3 course lunches.

And of course everyone asks if your baby is sleeping through and you say no and they say once they start solids they’ll be sleeping for 12 hours and my baby still won’t eat. Holy Fuck I’m going to up twice a night until she is 9. And now it’s panic stations. And suddenly I notice that box of baby rice in the back of the cupboard. The one I bought months ago but couldn’t get it to anything thicker than old milk so abandoned immediately.. and you throw a spoon into Ella’s delight.. and it’s suddenly thicker and therefore more filling but tastes the same, perhaps even tastes less like anything. And baby eats it. And again at dinner time. And you’re on a winner here. Then you google baby rice and you find out it’s the devils dandruff for babies.. it’s actually poison and I don’t use that figuratively – it’s got arsenic in it apparently! What the fuck.. those couple of nights where baby slept a little better, only woke up once – was it because I poisoned her????

Anyway I don’t know if baby rice kills, I am assuming it doesn’t. But who the fuck can take the risk… what would the Daily Mail say about me?? Mother poisons baby to get some kip.. for shame.

Back to the drawing board.. but we are going cold turkey on the pear puree.